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unsolicited opinion Sunday: MST3K watch list

rakkyo-notes:

For those sad souls who don’t know, Mystery Science Theater 3000 is a cult classic TV series about an average joe whose mad scientist bosses trap him on a satellite in space and force him to watch really bad movies. He survives these ordeals by mercilessly mocking the movies with the aid of two smartass robots. 

Some of the episodes are great. A few are so-so. Some are (because of the movies) so incredibly bad they’re unwatchable. The following is my list of favorites, in chronological order, with movie synopses: 

507 - I Accuse My Parents - An incompetent shoe salesman named Jimmy gets involved with the mob because his drunk parents don’t care that he won the high school essay contest. 

519 - Outlaw of Gor - A professor of something and his excrutiatingly annoying colleague are somehow sucked into an alternate universe where there are… butts. Just lots of butts. Butts everywhere. Apparently based on a series of fantasy novels from the ‘70’s. 

622 - Angels’ Revenge - Another prize from the ‘70’s about a gang of ditzy women who hunt down drug dealers and torture them in their storage unit, or shoot them, or just blow them up, whatever. 

703 - Deathstalker and the Warriors From Hell - A smarmy warrior, a bitchy princess, and a potato-munching horse chick fight an evil queen and her sorcerer for possession of a magic doorknob. 

813 - Jack Frost - A cocky woodsman enlists the aid of Jack Frost and an especially whacky incarnation of the Baba Yaga to rescue a sickeningly adorable young woman from her evil stepmother in this Russo-Finnish fairy tale thing. A particuar favorite of mine.

816 - Prince of Space - Alien chicken-men try to take over Earth, or possibly just Japan, and are vanquished by three annoying children and a stringy, caped space-superhero who utters endless variations on, “Your weapons are useless against me!” Also worthy of note is 819 - Invasion of the Neptune Men, a very similar but somehow even worse movie.

818 - Devil Doll - An evil hypnotist/ventriloquest bickers with his possessed puppet and date rapes women while an ineffectual journalist sorta-kinda investigates him. 

820 - Space Mutiny - Possibly the best, and at the very least the second best, MST3K episode. A crew of women in high-hipped leotards and beefy men in jumpsuits led by Captain Santa Claus fight comically evil mutineers for control of an ageing factory warehouse. I mean spaceship. Based on a video game apparently. 

1003 - Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders - Merlin sets up a knicknack shop in the 20th century, and his criminal negligence swiftly unleashes an evil toy monkey on a pleasant middle-class family. Nightmare fuel ensues as the monkey proceeds to kill their houseplants, fish, and dog. Possibly the best episode of the series.

1007 - Track of the Moon Beast - A boring guy, a skank, and a fake Native American make up legends, get hit by meteorites, turn into killer lizard men, and eat stew made with chicken… corn… green peppers… chili… *sigh*… onions…?

There are a lot of other good ones, and my preferences for some of these are in part sentimental, as my MST3K experience started with them. Highly-rated episodes that aren’t on my personal favorites list: 

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YESSSSSSS

Well, you were a bitch to my parents yesterday.

MST3K: Devil Doll

"I’ll offer to park cars, for charity."

skarchomp:

I would do one of those “someone who has never watched (X) tell me what’s going on in this screenshot” but fuck I actually watch MST3K and I don’t know what’s going on

lol me either

skarchomp:

I would do one of those “someone who has never watched (X) tell me what’s going on in this screenshot” but fuck I actually watch MST3K and I don’t know what’s going on

lol me either

fuckyeahmst3k:

besttshirtsever:

MYSTERY THEATER 3K T-Shirt - $9.99 MST3K tee at Pop Up Tee  If you missed it at Pop Up Tee click here to see if there are any other options.

Your chance to get this classy MST!

I have this shirt! I love it.

fuckyeahmst3k:

besttshirtsever:

MYSTERY THEATER 3K T-Shirt - $9.99 MST3K tee at Pop Up Tee
If you missed it at Pop Up Tee click here to see if there are any other options.

Your chance to get this classy MST!

I have this shirt! I love it.

If this gets 150 notes, I will walk in the Dragon*Con parade dressed as Tom Servo with a sign saying “I’m walking for HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT”

needsmoreexplosions:

The flip side of the sign will say “That stands for Hi, Everyone. Let’s Pitch In ‘N’ Get Cracking Here In Louisiana Doing Right, Eh? Now Then. Hateful Rich Overbearing Ugly Guys Hurt Royally Everytime Someone Eats A Radish, Carrot, Hors d’oeuvre, And Never Does Dishes. Eventually, Victor Eats Lunch Over Peoria Mit Ein Neuesberger Tod,”

It’s a delightful Bambi romp through a flowery fairy land of happy, harmless, froo-froo family fun for the whole family of all ages! …Orrrr IS IT?!

Pearl Forrester, MST3K, Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders (via fuckyeahmst3k)

TASTE THE RAINBOW OF FRUIT PAIN

(Source: rakkyo-notes)